Chapter 4 —
“After Spending an Eternity with Someone, There Are Still Little Things You’ll Keep Learning Over Time”
CLYDE’S POV
This is how it’s been after three years of marriage:
I find myself getting irritated over things I used to laugh about when Barbara and I were still newlyweds. Back then, it was easy to overlook the small things. Now, those same things feel unbearable.
We dated for a year, married in the second, and somewhere between year two and three… I realized something had changed.
The love I once had for Barbara—it felt like it had curdled into resentment.
I started to wonder —was this love ever real? Because now, all I saw were differences. Misalignments. Tired routines.
I didn’t realize marriage would come with this much… baggage. You think you know someone well enough to build a life with them, but no one tells you how the smallest things will start to grate on you with time.
That evening, while driving home, I kept asking myself why I’d been so furious earlier—why something as minor as breakfast could trigger that much anger in me.
Was it because it was becoming a pattern? Was it fear? That she might never change?
Or was it the growing anxiety that this would only get worse when we finally had kids?
Yes. We’ve been trying.
We even considered adoption, but decided to wait.
When I pulled into the driveway, I was still lost in thought. Barbara met me at the door with her usual grace.
“Welcome, darling. How was your day?”
I hesitated, then mumbled, “Great.”
She took my bag and jacket without a word and disappeared into the kitchen. I collapsed onto the couch, flicking on the TV without really watching. A few minutes later, she called out:
“Your meal is ready, love.”
She forced a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.
She knows I prefer to eat before taking a shower.
I looked at her—really looked—and then tossed the remote aside. We sat down at the table in silence. She didn’t touch her food. Just sat there, staring at it.
I took a bite of mine… and barely swallowed it before dashing to the bathroom.
“Barbara, what is that?” I yelled, wiping my mouth as she rushed in behind me.
“What’s wrong, Clyde? Are you okay?” she asked, wide-eyed.
“What nonsense did you cook?”
“I’m sorry, Clyde, but—”
“I don’t want to hear it.”
I stormed past her, thankful I was still in my work clothes, grabbed my keys, and drove off.
I ended up at a restaurant nearby and ordered eba and egusi. As I ate, I couldn’t shake the thought:
Barbara is a good cook. She’s never made anything this bad for me.
I don’t play with food. She knows that.
Even with everything going wrong between us this past year, even with the way we barely speak… food was the one place we didn’t fumble.
I stared at the plate in front of me and thought, She must be tired. Or something is bothering her.
She does that—stares at nothing when her mind is troubled. I’d seen that same distant look during dinner.
And every time, it’s me who has to do the talking. Me who has to initiate.
I still worried about her, even while eating someone else’s food.
“Clyde, what do you care?” I muttered to myself.
I cared enough for her sadness to gnaw at me.
I finished up quickly and drove home. When I walked in, I found her asleep on the couch.
One look, and I knew—she wasn’t okay.
Something old stirred in me. Something I hadn’t felt in a long time.
I bent down and gently lifted her into my arms. Babs was small—light enough that I could carry her like it was still our wedding night.
She curled into me without waking, her head resting against my shoulder.
By the time I tucked her into bed, she was still fast asleep. I lay beside her, eyes wide open, while she slept soundly next to me.
I studied her face. Ran my hand through her soft, silky hair—the same hair that used to drive me crazy in our early days.
And suddenly… I felt it again.
A flicker of what once was.
I remembered how we met. How we laughed. How we used to talk for hours. How I couldn’t imagine my life without her.
Now I lie awake beside her wondering…
When did I fall out of love with my wife?
And why, deep down, do I still feel like I haven’t completely let her go?
⸻
