At 96, Betty Parker refuses to linger on aches and pains. Instead, she fills her journal with gratitude for the small yet vibrant pleasures that still color her days: coaxing blooms from her rose garden, losing herself in a good book, laughing over cards with friends, and delighting guests with freshly baked pies.
She admits she doesn’t always have the energy for baking these days and sometimes opts for store-bought desserts. Still, she says her nineties have been full of meaning, purpose, and connection — something many people struggle to maintain at any age.
Healthy habits such as eating well and staying active are key to longevity, but experts say social connection is equally essential. Loneliness, they warn, can be just as harmful as physical illness.
“Life expectancy generally has improved in the last generation,” said Dr. John Batsis, a geriatrician and professor at the University of North Carolina. “But we want to make sure individuals are living good years, as opposed to just living longer.”
California gerontologist Dr. Kerry Burnight, who also happens to be Parker’s daughter, says four principles shape a meaningful later life: growing, connecting, adapting, and giving. “Just as you can train your body, you can also train your internal strength to nurture connection and purpose,” she said.
For those approaching retirement, Batsis recommends preparing early. “The retirement cliff can be very difficult,” he said. “You lose your sense of purpose, your routine, and your social circle if you haven’t made a plan.” He encourages people to start exploring hobbies or interests while still working to ease the transition.
For those already retired, Burnight says it’s never too late to start something new. “If you’ve always wanted to write a book, 80 isn’t too old to begin,” she said. “In fact, it’s the perfect time to lean in and redefine your purpose.”
Challenging yourself mentally also helps keep the mind sharp. While crosswords and sudoku are useful, Burnight says real growth comes from tackling unfamiliar experiences. “New experiences activate neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to keep evolving,” she explained. “If you stick to the same routines, you’re not giving yourself the chance for continued growth.”
Batsis shared the story of one patient who took up golf and learned to play guitar after retirement, something he’d never tried before. “It opened a whole new world for him,” Batsis said. “Now he plays music and attends local concerts.”
He also advises finding physical activities you genuinely enjoy. “The less you move, the weaker you get,” he said. “But if you find something you love, you’ll be more likely to keep doing it.”
For caregivers, Burnight emphasizes allowing loved ones to do whatever they can for themselves. “Doing difficult things is helpful and important,” she said.
Parker follows her own advice. Once a month, she meets with a group she affectionately calls “the youngs,” women in their 60s she met through her daughter-in-law, to play canasta, a game she taught them. “Socially, we need friends of all ages,” she said. “Like diversifying a financial portfolio, you want to have friends from different circles and stages of life.”
If reconnecting with old friends feels daunting, Burnight suggests using social media. “People are often thrilled to hear from an old friend,” she said, adding that even small interactions, like chatting with a neighbor or barista can spark meaningful relationships.
Her most important piece of advice: be the friend. “Loneliness is dangerous to longevity,” she said. “You need to be the one to make the call, remember the birthday, sit by someone’s hospital bed, or drive them to chemo.”
Despite her optimism, Parker admits aging brings challenges. She misses playing tennis and now sometimes relies on a walker. Still, she continues to laugh with family, tend her garden, and even join local parades.
“We’re always going to have changing circumstances,” Burnight said. “The people who age well are the ones who adapt, who accept and even embrace change.”
Research shows that people who believe aging is a time for growth live, on average, 7.5 years longer than those who view it as decline. “Purpose is small and daily,” Burnight said. “It’s saying, ‘Today, how am I going to use the fact that I’m alive and that I have something to give?’”
That giving doesn’t have to be grand. It might mean dropping off lemons from your tree, helping a neighbor with errands, or simply calling someone who’s unwell. Even small acts, Burnight says, can renew your sense of meaning.
For Parker, that spirit of purpose keeps her days bright. “I may have slowed down,” she said, smiling, “but there’s still plenty of life to enjoy.”
